In the last newsletter, we discussed the high cost of negative friendships. In his book Social Intelligence, Daniel Goleman says, “When we are continually exposed to negative and angry, hurtful people, the detrimental impact on our immune system is significant.”
In that newsletter, I also shared how excited I was to discover that my story on this very subject was included in the Reader’s Choice 20th anniversary collection of Chicken Soup for the Soul books. Here’s the link if you want to read the publisher’s words and then the story: http://amzn.to/11xmPtc.
For this weeks article, however, I want to focus not on the negative energy that some people bring into your life, but on the kind of energy you bring to your relationships.
Jill Bolte Taylor, an author and neuroscientist, experienced a burst blood vessel in the left side of her brain when she was in her thirties. She had a stroke as a result. “Once hospitalized, Dr Jill could no longer walk, talk, understand language, read or write; however, by accessing her right brain, she was able to feel immense feelings of satisfaction & well being. She experienced people as ‘concentrated packages of energy’. Although she could not cognitively understand the doctors & visitors as they came in and out, she could ‘sense’ what others felt. By closely studying
their body language she would notice how some people would ‘bring her energy’ and others would ‘take it away.”
Step back for a moment and consider this: What if your friends could perceive you as a concentrated package of energy? Would they say you bring God’s light, peace, love and joy to them? Or would they say you rob them of his life-giving spirit? Would your friends say you are encouraging or critical? Would they describe you as caring or caustic? Life giving or life draining?
As best-selling author Dr. John Townsend suggests, be “curious rather than defensive” when someone tries to give you feedback about yourself.[ii] Take the risk and ask some of your closest yet loving, truth-telling friends how they see you?
Here are a couple of verses in Proverbs about the wisdom of listening to what others tell us about ourselves:
If you listen to constructive criticism, you will be at home among the wise (Proverbs 15:32 NLT)
To one who listens, valid criticism is like a gold earring or other gold jewelry (Proverbs 25:12)
[i] Zoe B, “How Neuroplasticity Can Increase Your Intelligence,” Simple Life Strategies, March 24, 2012, http://simplelifestrategies.com/sls-neuroplasticity-jilltaylor/, retrieved on June 3, 2013.
[ii] John Townsend, Beyond Boundaries (Grand Rapids, MI: Zondervan, 2011), 87. Gray
I went through the divorce care program about 5 yrs again. I am a true believer in the program and how informative and important it is to Hi s when going through loss. I found my new normal and would not have if I tried to handle Divorce on my own.