On Valentine’s Day, it’s easy to become consumed by the horrible pain we’ve experienced in past relationships. It’s also a potentially dangerous time if we recently faced breakup pain. We’re tempted to search for anyone who will ease our pain. Someone who will hold us tightly and make us feel better, even if it’s for a short while. Unfortunately, that kind of comfort is only momentary while the consequences are not. Until we take the time to heal emotionally, we will continue to search for someone, anyone, to rescue us.
Whether the loss you have experienced is the result of a broken relationship, missed opportunities, or someone’s poor choices, the fact is all loss needs to be grieved. We can’t make a fresh start, especially in our dating lives, until we first clear out the rubble from the old.
Grieving requires us to experience heartache and feelings of anger, sadness, disappointment, and resentment. So short term, it’s much easier to ignore the breakup pain, stuff negative feelings, and somehow numb the heartache. We have to say no to the desire to escape our pain in order to obtain the long-term gain of real healing and growth. It can be especially difficult on Valentine’s Day with all the extra focus on romance.
My son who was an All-American swimmer once reminded me, “Every athlete knows you’ll never improve if you don’t press through the pain. It’s the only way to get stronger and faster.”
While strength and speed are not our goals in dating, the same principle applies. Pain and suffering can lead to maturity and strengthen our character, both of which lead to hope for the future.
Convert Breakup Pain to Positive Change
There will always be hurt and pain on this side of heaven. Jesus warns us, “In this world you will have trouble (John 16:33, NIV). To best position ourselves for healthy relationships, facing our feelings and grieving are a strength and a skill we need to acquire.
In time, we’ll recognize that our loss provided a fertile environment for growth. What we thought would destroy us, God used to transform us. I pray you’re willing to convert breakup pain to positive change and stand strong against the temptation to find short-term comfort in another relationship.
Warmly,
Georgia Shaffer
P.S. Today’s content was adapted from 12 Smart Choices for Finding the Right Guy. If you’d like to read more, you can purchase your copy of the book here.
Or if you prefer to work with a coach as you cultivate a higher level of emotional wellbeing, you can find out more information here.
Scripture:
“… But we also glory in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope. And hope does not put us to shame, because God’s love has been poured out into our hearts through the Holy Spirit, who has been given to us.” Romans 5:3-5, NIV
