While we might understand how anger can fuel more tension in relationships, it’s not always easy to find creative ways to deal with anger and use it as a helpful source of energy. The goal is not to get rid of anger, but to take that raw energy and turn it into something new, different, and constructive.
In her book Honestly, popular speaker, author and musician, Sheila Walsh discusses her struggle with anger:
“My first taste of anger—from my father to me as a child—had affected my whole life. I would do anything I could to diffuse an angry situation. Angry words or tone of voice—spoken even by myself—seemed to me to signal something drastic about to happen.
I never gave myself permission to be angry; when things happened in my life that I should have been angry about, I just stuffed the feelings down, ground my teeth and clenched my fists and said nothing. Occasionally, when I wasn’t being vigilant, little bits would escape, leaking out in sudden outbursts or sarcasm.”
Through the help of professional counselors, Shelia was able to give herself permission to be angry. She wrote, “When I feel myself getting angry now, I take a step back. I go into another room by myself, sit at the Shepherd’s feet, and I tell him what I am feeling.”
Whether we need help in controlling our rage, giving ourselves permission to admit and express our anger, or learning new ways to deal with it, we must first make the commitment to change.
Remember, our goal is not to remove anger from our lives. Anger can be a valuable source of information and energy. It can be the fuel we need to right a wrong that was done to us or someone we love. Anger can be the source of energy we use to find solutions to old problems rather than create new ones.
We can take the energy of our anger and channel it into new, healthy directions.
Finding Creative Ways to Deal With Anger
One creative way to deal with anger is, when tension rises, to think about times when you were angry but didn’t explode or do something regrettable.
What contributed to your successful self-control? See if you can repeat that strategy and gain control.
Another creative approach is to process anger early—before it has time and space to escalate. Praying and journaling help me dilute my fury.
The less intense our anger, the less likely we will lose our temper. It’s much harder to gain self-control when the pressure has built up to the point where we blow like an active volcano, spewing red-hot lava everywhere.
Find ways to blow off steam safely. Run around the block, lift weights, beat a pillow, hoe the garden or flowerbeds, mow the grass with a push mower, or whatever positive activity gets your heart pumping and shifts your thoughts. If you can’t think of anything to do that’s useful, at the least choose to do something that will not harm any person or possession.
Warmly,
Georgia Shaffer
P.S. Today’s content was adapted from Taking Out Your Emotional Trash. If you’d like to read more, you can purchase your copy of the book here.
Or if you prefer to work with a coach as you work to overcome difficult habits, you can find out more information at www.GeorgiaShaffer.com/coaching/
Scripture:
“Be angry and do not sin; do not let the sun go down on your anger” (Ephesians 4:26, ESV)
