Forgiving others feels impossible while we’re angry.
Christie recently broke up with her fiancé, and she had lots to be angry about. For starters, her fiancé and someone Christie thought was a dear friend had been sexually involved for months.
Anger is a common emotion that keeps reappearing during a time of loss and grief, especially after the initial shock and numbness are gone. As long as Christie is grieving, she is wise to address those feelings.
Short-term anger can be a healthy response. The longer she holds on to fury though, forgiving others will become more difficult.
Christie could find herself more “at home” with her anger than with the positive feelings of peace and joy that forgiveness can bring. The notion that it will be easier to forgive later is simply false.
Giving Up Rage to Forgive Others and Have a Better Life
Tyler Perry, writer, and producer of many movies learned how much better life could be when he gave up his rage. Tyler had an extremely abusive childhood. He was often beaten by his father who didn’t appreciate his son’s artistic gift of writing.
Years later Tyler ran into financial problems and forged his father’s signature on a car loan. When the car was repossessed, and his father found out about the default and its impact on his credit he called Tyler and unloaded his fury.
During this heated conversation, Tyler finally expressed all the rage he’d held onto for years. When he was done, after a long pause, Tyler heard his father say for the first time, “I love you.”
Tyler said, “After we hung up, I felt light, empty, and exhausted. I knew that I would never again look at my father in hurt or anger. But in a strange way, I also sensed that something had died. I sat crying for hours as if I were in the morning. My energy source, my fight, the rage that had moved me every day—it was all gone. Slowly but surely, I began to fill my days with joy instead of fury. That year—call it coincidence—my play sold out.”
Like Tyler’s experience, when we let go of the bitterness and anger that wants motivated us to get up each day, we too might feel a strange emptiness. However, we now have more room for love and joy and energy to make a positive impact in the lives of others.
The Key to Forgiving Others and Break Through Anger
The key to forgiving others when anger threatens to consume you is to let the anger out so you can let it go. Rather than keeping it bottled up inside, express your anger through journaling, yelling (preferably not at someone), crying, shouting, physical activity, or other healthy ways of expression.
Until you release your anger, you’ll be consumed by it. But when you can express it, you’re on the road to forgiveness. It will protect your health and your relationships from the toxic poison of bitterness. You’ll feel empowered to redirect the strength of your emotions in a positive direction and deal with your problems.
Forgiveness most likely won’t change the person you’re angry with. But forgiveness will change you. It will allow you room to process your anger, grieve the things you’ve lost, and begin to heal.
Warmly,
Georgia Shaffer
P.S. Today’s content was adapted from Taking Out Your Emotional Trash. If you’d like to read more, you can purchase your copy of the book here.
Or if you prefer to work with a coach as you work to overcome difficult habits, you can find out more information at www.GeorgiaShaffer.com/coaching/
Scripture:
“Refrain from anger and give up your rage; do not be agitated—it can only bring harm” (Psalm 37:8, CSB).
