How Can I Heal after Betrayal? (Part 2)

A couple of weeks ago, I gave you two tips to help you start to heal after betrayal. It’s something many of us have faced in our lives, and it’s not always an intuitive process as we begin to ReBUILD our lives afterward. We talked previously about…

1) Gathering a support team, and

2) Recognizing the thoughts and questions that are keeping you trapped.

Now that you’ve tackled those first two tips to help you heal from your betrayal, here are two more to help you continue moving forward.

3) Change How You See and Think to Heal After Betrayal

Broken trust injures us on so many levels. Even more unfortunate, we who have been betrayed often are blamed because we did not see what was really there. Honestly, sometimes, we do ignore or minimize key information. But, sometimes we don’t. Either way, we are still left with the consequences of someone’s poor behavior or lack of integrity. We need compassion, not judgment because we already feel stupid.

As I just mentioned rather than speculating about the reasons why your partner inflicted such pain, it is far more beneficial to concentrate your attention on your healing, your ability to grow and move forward.

Here is what we need to understand: our ability to heal after betrayal does not depend on what the betrayer does or does not do, on what they said or did not say.

You cannot wait for the person who hurt you to heal you, because it may never happen. Even if they admit what they did, you won’t necessarily feel better because you have been wounded, and wounds need to heal.

To change how you see and think about the betrayal, stop dwelling on the person who hurt you and why did this happen, and instead, focus on what will help you to heal and move on.

We know that research on the neuroplasticity of our brain confirms what God has already told us in Scripture: you have to intentionally train your brain to think positive thoughts. As Paul tells us in Philippians 4:8 (NLT), “Fix your thoughts on what is true, and honorable, and right, and pure, and lovely, and admirable. Think about things that are excellent and worthy of praise.”

Also, don’t get caught in the trap of believing that your worth is wrapped up in someone else’s betrayal. Brené Brown says that just because someone is unwilling or incapable of loving us, that does not mean we are unlovable. Repeat this mantra to yourself everyday for as long as needed: you are worthy and loveable regardless of your circumstances.

4) Don’t Allow Distrust to Shrink Your World

Trusting again is difficult when we have been betrayed. It’s so easy to end up being distrustful of people in general – and especially those closest to us – after we have been deeply hurt. It’s tempting to become paranoid or to make a permanent decision to never trust again. After all, how do you know it won’t happen again?

The sad truth is that you don’t. There are never any guarantees that you will be safe and secure with those you love. Trust is a risk, not a fault.

Eventually, you need to take small, calculated risks. Without taking any risks, your world will become smaller and smaller as you try to keep yourself safe from pain and hurt. Don’t build walls around you and don’t let betrayal control the way you live your life.

When the shame of being deceived starts to scream, ask yourself: what’s the alternative? A hard untrusting heart? That’s no way to live.

Yes, be cautious in the future, learn from what happened to you, but remember that with God’s help – along with the guidance and support of others, you can eventually take the risk and trust again.

Warmly,

Georgia

P.S. – Oftentimes, working with a coach 1-on-1 can help challenge your thinking about hard life situations, like betrayal, and learn to take calculated risks to trust again. If you’re ready for the support and encouragement that comes with private coaching, please schedule a time to chat with me. Let’s see if 1-on-1 coaching is the best next step for you!

“The LORD himself goes before you and will be with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged.”

~ Deuteronomy 31:8 ~

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