When I meet with and coach women as they try to navigate the emotions of their poor choices, they often say, “I can’t forgive myself.”
They tell me that they can forgive others but can’t forgive themselves for the things they’ve done. They seem to feel better when they punish themselves in some way by holding on to shame and regret. It somehow eases their conscience to berate themselves and make themselves pay for what they did.
As Christians, that’s common for all of us. We sometimes find it difficult to receive God’s unconditional forgiveness that is ours when we ask Him. While it feels as if we can’t forgive ourselves, the truth is we often feel as if we don’t deserve God’s kind forgiveness. We continue to look for ways to make ourselves pay for our mistakes.
One woman I met had numerous affairs, one of which ended her marriage. Over the years since her divorce, she has sabotaged one loving relationship after another. This is her way of paying herself back for the harm she caused her ex-husband and family more than 20 years ago.
I Can’t Forgive Myself for What I Did
In our own broken way, we try to be little gods, tormenting ourselves for the stupid, or awful things we’ve done. We say, “I can’t forgive myself for what I did.” Accepting the good and bad in ourselves isn’t easy, but it is essential if we are going to heal and be free to move on.
So let go and give Jesus your pain and disappointment. Don’t be weighed down by condemnation. Reject any voices in your head that are continually reminding you of your wrongs. Remember the truth of Romans 8:1: “…there is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus” (NIV).
Years ago, I said something hurtful to a friend. I couldn’t seem to let myself off the hook for a thoughtless comment. One afternoon I apologized once more. I’ll never forget how light I felt when he said in the kindest, most loving way, “Don’t worry about it, Georgia. I’m willing to carry your baggage.”
This image has stuck with me because that’s what God says to each one of us when we can’t seem to forgive ourselves for poor choices and mistakes. He says let me lighten your burdens. Let me carry your load. Just give it to me and know you’re forgiven.
I pray that today you will choose to confess what you’ve done, surrender your disappointment in yourself, and accept God’s grace, mercy, and forgiveness.
Warmly,
Georgia Shaffer
P.S. If you’d like help letting go of your unforgiveness, go to www.GeorgiaShaffer.com/coaching.
Scripture:
“Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest” (Matthew 11:28, NIV).
