Gardeners call compost “black gold” because when they add it to garden soil, the plantings become more vibrant than those grown in regular soil. Similarly, compost in our lives is the rich fertile soil that results when we process grief and loss in healthy ways.
When handled properly, our losses slowly break down and are transformed into wonderful nutrients that promote new growth. Out of our time of pain, beauty arises from the ashes.
Sorrows provide the substance for our emotional and spiritual growth. They can enable us to gain new understanding and compassion for others who are suffering.
The first step in emotional composting is to identify what has died in our lives. Then we can sort it out and put it in our compost pile. There are many kinds of death. Some include the death of hopes and dreams, the termination of a job, or the end of a special relationship.
Process Grief and Loss in Healthy Ways
For example, Sarah’s father hasn’t spoken to her for years. He is still alive, but he is no longer part of her life. She had to acknowledge the loss of her once close relationship with her dad, realizing that her relationship may never be like it used to be.
Sometimes, however, what seems dead may only be dormant. For instance, we may have a friendship that seems to have waned but perhaps instead of being over, the friendship will bloom anew in another season. We can put the loss of a friendship as we knew it in our compost heap, but we might not want to discard the entire relationship.
The key factor to remember about compost it’s that it’s made up of dead material.
Here’s how God helped me clarify the difference between dead and dormant:
Dormant Does Not Mean Dead
One morning I closely examined some wrinkled, dried iris tubers a friend had given to me. Many were small, with no hint of growth. I debated whether I wanted to take the time to plant them. However, this was the first year of my new garden and I had lots of unused space. So, despite of my concerns, I dug holes and tucked in the rhizomes.
Ten months later, an abundance of showcase irises in a variety of hues surprised me. My favorites were the dazzling white ones with the deep purple edging.
Sometime later, I poured out my feelings of sadness to the Lord about a relationship while removing some dead annuals from my garden. I was working near a clump of irises when the Lord seemed to ask, “Did you think those irises would be so lovely when you planted them? Despite your lack of confidence, they not only bloomed that first year, but for each year since. You’re comparing the endings in your life to the annuals. Focus on the perennials.”
If I had added the iris tubers to my compost pile, they would have decayed and never bloomed. In the same way, I’ll experience a great loss if I assume an issue or relationship is dead when it’s merely dormant and I throw it in the compost pile.
Vegetation, dormant through the winter, will grow in a new season. Sometimes to process grief and loss, we only need to be patient and wait for a time of new growth.
Warmly,
Georgia Shaffer
P.S. Today’s content was adapted from Taking Out Your Emotional Trash. If you’d like to read more, you can purchase your copy of the book here.
Or if you prefer to work with a coach as you work to overcome difficult habits, you can find out more information at www.GeorgiaShaffer.com/coaching/
Scripture:
“to bestow on them a crown of beauty instead of ashes, the oil of joy instead of mourning, and a garment of praise instead of a spirit of despair. They will be called oaks of righteousness, a planting of the Lord for the display of his splendor.”
Isaiah 61:3 (NIV).
