There are times when the aches in our souls are so deep and crippling that we wonder, what do I do when the pain becomes unbearable? We live in a culture that believes if there is pain, there is a cure for it. So, we often have the mentality that there has to be something to lessen our discomfort or misery.
In his book Shattered Dreams, Larry Crabb writes, “People who find some way to deaden their pain never discover their desire for God in all its fullness.” He says that the kind of pain that is inconsolable will “carry us into the inner recesses of our being that wants God. If we deny how badly we hurt, we remain unaware of our desire for God.”
Three Tips for When the Pain Becomes Unbearable
When the intense pain threatens to destroy us, we want to face it, be honest about it, and cry out to God. Options that may help deal with the gnawing ache inside are writing about it, finding other activities to participate in, and incorporating more of God’s Word in your life.
Write or Journal
My son Kyle suffered from depression after a breakup in college. One of the ways he expressed his feelings was to write poetry. Expressing thoughts on paper is helpful in releasing emotions and sorting out the different aspects of circumstance, especially when the pain is unbearable. There are many different ways to write or journal:
- write a poem
- make bullet point lists of your feelings
- write free form without editing or correcting
- write about a character with a similar problem and create a redemptive ending to the story
- make a note of your prayers
- write a letter to God and tell Him what you’re struggling with
Enjoy a Hobby or Sport
Gardening has been and continues to be a valuable outlet for me. As I pull out the weeds, I mentally remove whatever negative emotions are seething inside of me. As I trim the straggly growth on my rose arbor, I consider what needs to be trimmed in my life.
What helps you sort through and process your pain? Do you like to exercise, bike, bake, clean? Do you like to play the cello, mountain climb, or volunteer to help youngsters learn to read? What helps you manage your emotions rather than carry them inside?
Hold on to Scripture
During difficult times the Word of God encourages us and gives us hope. What scriptures have helped you in the past? I’ve written mine in a special journal, and I’ve also put them on index cards I keep on the table next to my bed. When I face a painful situation, I reach for those cards to give me comfort and help me focus on God rather than the problem. Scripture is a continual reminder that God is still in control.
A single friend once said, “I wrote down every [scripture] ‘promise’ I could find on index cards. Then I plastered them all over the door in my kitchen. When I moved, I created a collage of sorts as I posted them above my bed so it looks like a funky headboard. Since I generally sleep when I’m feeling down, it’s the first thing I see as I head toward the bed. I can sit and read over those verses before going to sleep. I’ve found it helpful to remind myself that God is in control, especially when my world seems like it’s falling apart.”
These methods help me focus on something besides the inner ache. Think of it like taking a break at the office, when you step away from your desk and refresh for a few minutes. Those respites, in the midst of our sorrows, can give us the needed strength to “get back to work” as we deal with the realities in our lives.
Warmly,
Georgia Shaffer
P.S. Today’s content was adapted from 12 Smart Choices for Finding the Right Guy. If you’d like to read more, you can purchase your copy of the book.
Or if you prefer to work with a coach as you work to overcome difficult habits, you can find out more information at www.GeorgiaShaffer.com/coaching/
