Grief is difficult enough without adding social distancing to the mix. Let’s talk about how to grieve a loved one during COVID-19…
I received an email recently asking me if I would be writing on how COVID-19 impacts losing a member of your family or a friend. She mentioned losses like not being able to have a normal funeral with a gathering of people sharing stories, comfort, and food.
Immediately after I read her note, I began to think about the unique struggles that we face during this pandemic when someone dies. Here are a few thoughts and suggestions on how to grieve a loved one during COVID-19:
How do you hold on when you can’t hold a loved one’s hand?
The last days of a person’s life can be some of the most poignant, or maybe difficult, times. I’m thinking of two of my friends who each were with their sisters when they took their last breaths. They described it as a beautiful moment that they will never forget.
But, these days you are not allowed into the hospital, let alone be in the room with someone dear to you. Yes, we might connect in some small way with Facetime, Zoom or Skype, but it’s a poor substitute in comforting the one dying or ourselves. One person said, “It’s not just about comforting someone during their last hours, it is comforting for me to be there and share that time.”
When your pain is inconsolable, and you can’t hold a loved one or kiss them goodbye, cry out to God. Like many others, you might find you can experience God’s peace and comfort in a whole new way. You discover that comfort and heartbreak can co-exist.
How do you pay tribute to a loved one who dies during COVID-19?
Gone are our traditional funeral services where you say goodbye to someone and offer sympathy to their family or friends. These days even memorial services are postponed until a time when ten or more people can gather together and share memories and food.
Maybe you can hold your own private ceremony where you symbolically bury the person you lost. Now that we are in planting season, dig a hole and tuck in a perennial, flowering tree, or a resurrection lily — something that will bloom year after year as you remember that special person. Or maybe you would prefer to write a letter and say all the things you never had a chance to share with their loved ones.
How do you handle your heightened emotions when someone you love dies because of the pandemic?
One person whose mother died in a nursing home could only see her through a window. He is furious that the staff had not alerted him to how many people at her nursing facility had contracted the virus.
Grieving definitely includes anger and protesting the pain. Sorrow brings a roller coaster of emotions which include the sadness of what is now a huge void in your life. But if years later, this man is still holding onto his bitterness, that will harm not only him but impact all his relationships in a negative way.
And what about those who could not even look through a window to see the one they love? Maybe you are angry or sad because they died only with the medical staff around them. It seems so uncaring when you have loved them in-person for more than 50 years.
Let’s each remember when we respond to someone who lost a special person to COVID-19 that they are encountering challenges unique to this disease. While we can’t remove their pain, we can choose to mourn with those who mourn.
This post is dedicated to each one of you who have lost someone during these unprecedented times.
Please know I’m praying for and with you.
Warmly,
Georgia
P.S. – Have you lost a loved one during the COVID-19 pandemic? Be sure to share with us on FB some of the ways you have coped with grieving in isolation – especially if you have suggestions beyond those mentioned in this short newsletter. We would love to support you virtually and learn from your experiences.
