| As we’re beginning to “open up” the US again after weeks of shelter-in-place orders, it’s only natural that we would begin to think about transitioning back to “normal.”
The question is, however, what “normal” do we WANT now?? Do we want everything to go back to exactly how it was? Do we want something different?
Whichever new “normal” we get, it’s going to be a big change for many of us. And with transitions, we often run into relational issues. The challenges that accompany these big life transitions are as diverse as we are, and for many of us, our biggest changes will revolve around work.
One person may be filled with a sense of adventure. He confidently follows God’s call on his life to work from home full-time instead of going back to his draining office job. But as he re-positions himself for this new career, he is blindsided by his wife’s dwindling support. Her approval is evaporating as fast as their savings account.
Perhaps another person lost her job due to COVID-19 layoffs. After weeks or months of job searching, she finally accepts a new position at half of her former salary. She grieves over being forced into a downward transition and endures the bitterness of her teenage daughter who resents giving up the luxuries she once enjoyed.
Transitioning from one career to another–or from one way of doing life to a different way–provides people with the opportunity to lean on and trust God. The reality, however, is that far too many of us find we quickly tire of this season of uncertainty and all the relational tension it can bring.
I want to equip you to manage these challenges with three practical tools:
- Recognize the relational fallout
- Create distance from naysayers
- Communicate with honesty and respect.
Let’s take a deeper look…
Recognize the relational fallout
The relational implications of change can’t be denied. While some of the consequences can be foreseen, there are also unintentional effects that come when we lose the routines and predictability we once enjoyed. As one client said, “I love my new job and my family enjoys the extra income, but my wife and son had to leave everything that was familiar and comfortable to them. We didn’t expect my son to have so many problems at his new school.”
Transitioning from the security of the familiar into unknown territory can stir up all kinds of fears and anxieties. Many of us have been living in this state of flux for quite a while now. Ignoring your feelings and everyone else’s only creates more problems. Verbalize your struggles and help your friends and family do the same. Supporting one another emotionally is essential in order to navigate through the relational upheaval that comes with change.
Create distance from naysayers
Sometimes it is the very people we counted on to be strong supporters who end up discouraging us the most. This lost support only further depletes our already limited resources.
It’s critical for us to surround ourselves with people who will accept us where we are and encourage us as we move forward in our journey. While we might have been taught as a child to be kind to everyone, we need to learn how to respectfully distance ourselves from negative people who repeatedly steal vital energy. This action can be especially difficult when the naysayers are in our immediate family.
Communicate with honesty and respect
Cameron and Jessica, a young married couple with college degrees, were struggling financially. Cameron went back to school to learn a trade while Jessica waitressed. Two months before he finished, he told Jessica, “I’m really starting to think about getting a teaching degree. I thought I might find out how many of my credits would transfer.”
Jessica, who’d been waiting for the day when Cameron could help to support them, wanted to throw up her hands and storm out of the room. Instead, she paused, prayed, and said, “I’m sorry, but right now I don’t have the resources to handle yet another degree. I’m weary and worn out from carrying all the financial burdens. I’m willing to talk about this, but I was hoping you could first finish this program and help get us back on our feet.”
While Cameron might have desired to explore yet another career, he needed to ask himself if his desire was realistic given their current situation. Jessica, on the other hand, might have wanted to demand that Cameron grow up and get a job. She needed, however, to decide whether doing so would resolve the issue or lead to more conflict.
We can strengthen rather than weaken our relationships when we look at things from the other person’s perspective. And we can choose to communicate rather than attack or play the victim.
Life changes don’t have to result in emotional turmoil. We can experience stronger connections by recognizing that transitions impact all our close relationships, learning to create distance from our naysayers, and practicing honest open communication.
What big life changes are creating upheaval in your life? Which of these tips do you think will be most helpful for you moving forward? Please hit ‘reply’ and let me know how I can be praying for you and yours during this transition! |
