“I’m looking for a woman who loves Jesus more than she loves me. I don’t want to be idolized; I’ve already experienced the problems that causes.” My mouth dropped open. I was interviewing a handsome, well-educated single man at a conference. “Wow!” I said, thinking what a wonderful guy he is. “I never heard anybody express their commitment to keeping God first it quite like that. That’s great.”
When dating, it’s easy to focus on our outward appearance. Women can spend hours searching for the right outfit. Even then we wonder, How do I really look? And we fret over how we should act and what we should say. Yet, this single man made it clear what he most wanted was a woman whose heart was centered on Christ. He understood a healthy relationship with another person starts within. This man knew all too well the challenges that arise in a relationship when our hearts are focused on something or someone besides God.
Keeping God First in Relationships
Most of us at one time or another have made a romantic relationship (or a career or a child or something else) more important than our relationship with Christ. We’ve focused all our energy and attention on another person or thing instead of God. Sooner or later we discover that those other loves can’t replace the love of Christ. We end up feeling empty and dissatisfied… like there is something missing—and there is. In our hunger to experience closeness with others, we need to remember that the source of all loving connections is God. “God is love” (1 John 4:16).
As Ruth Myers, author of The Satisfied Heart writes,
“We must have God’s love. We must have God, the only source of perfect, unfailing love, the only one who can fully satisfy our hearts… God’s love is a love that entirely satisfies, a love that brings true happiness and inner growth. It’s a love that expands and corrects our thinking, changing us both inside and out.”
The Trap of Expectation
I have found that when God is my first love my heart experiences a quiet trust and peace, a feeling of having enough. When I don’t keep God first in relationships, my priorities get out of order. I put pressure on my relationships that they were never meant to bear. I get caught in the trap of expecting (and sometimes demanding) others to give me something they can’t.
In order to have healthy, God-centered relationships, we first need to let go of unrealistic expectations, thinking one special person can be “our everything.” Next, we need to learn how to make God a priority and trust in him. Then we need to pay attention to his hand in our lives, including the issues in our hearts.
Practicing these things will enable us to remain committed to keeping God first in relationships, and in life, even when we don’t understand all that’s happening.
Scripture:
But seek first the kingdom of God and his righteousness, and all these things will be added to you.
Matthew 6:33, ESV
Warmly,
Georgia Shaffer
P.S. Today’s content was adapted from 12 Smart Choices for Finding the Right Guy. If you’d like to read more, you can purchase your copy of the book here.
Or if you prefer to work with a coach as you work to overcome difficult habits, you can find out more information at www.GeorgiaShaffer.com/coaching/
