Spring is upon us and so are the weeds. I often hear inexperienced gardeners make comments like, “Will I ever get ahead of the weeds? They keep popping up.” While we might yearn for a weed-free garden, the reality is we will never experience it this side of heaven.
In the same way, we might wish for a life without heartache but the reality is we will be hurt. We will experience devastating losses. We will confront many unsettling changes and find ourselves repeatedly traveling the path from hurt to healing.
Recently two good friends were thrown onto the path of grief. One friend lost her vibrant young daughter to cancer and the other is grieving the choices of a grown adult son who destroyed the family and life he once enjoyed.
Once and done? Not by a long shot!
At a weekend conference, a woman named Lanie came to my book table. Pointing to A Gift of Mourning Glories, she said, “This book transformed my life. Until I read it I did not even know I had losses I needed to grieve… The book not only showed me I had to name and grieve my losses but walked me through the grieving process.”
She emailed me later and wrote, “No one talked about grief, especially in situations outside of death. I did so much healthy work reading your book and have encouraged so many others to grieve so many things.”
If we want to grow through our unwanted challenges, then, like Lanie, grieving our losses is where we must choose to start. But what does grieving look like? And once you’ve grieved, you still have not rebuilt your life. What else will you encounter on the path to healing?
The answer to this and other questions is in the expanded and revised edition of A Gift of Mourning Glories: Restoring Your Life After Loss. It is now available on Amazon, Barnes and Noble and at Georgia Shaffer Book Store.
One of the changes in the updated version, besides a fresh new cover, is each chapter has an added section entitled “Still Growing.” These are thoughts and insights I have gathered over the years since the book was first written.
Still Growing
Whenever I face a devastating loss, I still struggle with a deep sadness that washes over me. I used to think that being strong in the Lord meant not grieving. Now I know that is simply not true. As long as we live, we may grieve. As Jesus said, “Blessed are those who mourn for they will be comforted.” The comfort isn’t there until we mourn. We must not put on a happy face, deny our deep hurts, or try to move on too quickly. What I need to do-must do-is willingly face those painful feelings and grieve.
Richard Rohr, a Franciscan priest, wrote, “All great spirituality is about what we do with our pain. If we do not transform our pain, we will transmit it to those around us.”
Ready to Grow?
God is able to take the most terrible circumstances and turn them into something beautiful, but he usually does so gradually, one step at a time. Here are four steps to help you get started:
- Identify the shattered dream, huge disappointment or unwanted loss you have not grieved. Don’t be surprised if it happened many years ago.
- Part of grieving is protesting the pain of what is and what no longer can be. Give yourself permission to voice your disapproval of what God allowed to happen. Whether you write your objections in a journal or complain to a trusted friend, verbalize what you don’t like.
- To prevent getting stuck in the complaining mode, what do you have to be grateful for even in the midst of this difficult season?
- Consider purchasing a copy of A Gift of Mourning Glories for yourself or as a gift for someone who is facing a difficult time.
Are you ready to grow?
