| “For the battle is not yours, but God’s.” 2 Chronicles 20:15 |
| I like being in control even though I realize it is only an illusion. When I truly know I am not in control, I can feel helpless and hopeless.
Before I can accept the truth, however, that I really can’t change what is or has happened, I usually wrestle over it. I think, well, there must be something I can do. For example, when a three year dating relationship ended, I thought, there has to be something that I can say to fix it. Something I can change to make things different. When my oncologist said, “I’m sorry there is nothing else I can do to help with your fatigue.” I frantically thought, there must be another doctor, or someone who can help me. Or whenever I experience that heart-wrenching pain that comes with a devastating loss, I wonder, is there a pill or a counselor who can take this pain away? There is nothing wrong with exploring whether or not we can change a situation, or whether or not there is something God wants us to do. I find it most helpful, however, if I immediately remind myself I am not, never was and never will be in control. I am dependent on God and helpless to change anything without him. When I continue to struggle with my lack of control, I picture myself, curled up on God’s lap like a little girl. With my head tight against his chest, he whispers, “Georgia, don’t wrestle, just nestle with me.” |
