Are you feeling guilty about anything? If so, the first step is to determine if your feelings are true or false guilt or both.
True Guilt
We experience authentic guilt when we have done something that does not meet God’s standards or our own. True guilt could be related to a lapse in standards you’ve set for yourself. If you had lost weight, for instance, but have regained it, you probably feel ashamed. That guilt can be productive and help you to correct your behavior.
False Guilt
False guilt, on the other hand, can be the result of what was done to you, not by you. It doesn’t motivate you to do anything other than beat yourself. It’s common for victims of abuse to feel deep shame even though they did nothing wrong.
Sometimes the true and false versions of guilt overlap. For example, I was staying overnight in the lovely home of a friend. I accidentally spilled some deep fuchsia nail polish on the floral bedspread in my room. I was frantic! I tried to remove it without success. Since it was late and my friend had gone to bed, I decided to wait until morning to give her the bad news.
But what a night I had! While I felt true guilt for being so careless, I also was hounded by old voices of false guilt. The voices said: “You are bad and this shows it. Your friend was nice enough to share her home with you and now you ruined her lovely bedspread. You don’t even deserve to live!”
Pay Attention to Your Strong Reactions
I’ve learned to pay special attention and examine myself whenever I have strong reactions like this. First, I recorded in my journal the lies I believed: “I’m bad. I’m a disappointment to God. I don’t deserve to be treated with respect after what I did. I deserve to die.” Second, I put a big X over the lies and wrote “LIE” over them. Third, I wrote what was true: “I make mistakes but I will take responsibility for the messes I create. I’ll offer to buy my friend a new bedspread. God does care for me even when I do stupid things.”
As I was writing, I turned the page of my journal and there was a handwritten verse. It was Psalm 14:2: “An honest life shows respect for God.” I thanked God for his foreknowledge-that the friend who gave me the journal had written those words at the exact place I would need them.
Follow These Four Steps
Here are four things you can do whenever you feeling guilty:
- Acknowledge what you are trying to hide, afraid of, or feel bad about. Ask yourself: is this true guilt or false guilt?
- If true guilt, what changes can you make? Who can hold you accountible?
- Share with someone safe, someone who is trustworthy and who will be quick to remind you that you can come boldly to the throne of God’s grace and receive his mercy in time of need. (See Hebrews 4:16.)
- Recognize that Jesus’ love covers your guilt and shame…. He accepts you in your brokenness. Be grateful for his love and forgiveness.
This article is adapted from Taking Out Your Emotional Trash
