For a time, I was in danger of compromising my Christian principles with a guy I was dating. As a writer and speaker for singles, I knew the consequences of crossing that line. I understood God’s will is to keep sexual intimacy within the confines of marriage. I was embarrassed that I was even tempted. I kept this desire a secret but it grew stronger and stronger. Finally one day, I talked about it to a close friend who consistently prayed for me. I mustered my courage and said, “You need to pray for me because I really am attracted to this guy I’m dating. I’m struggling big time.” “Absolutely, I promise I will,” she said without any hint of judgment. “Is it ok if we share this request with Liz?” I agreed because Liz* is a mutual friend and a prayer warrior. The result was miraculous. The next time I was with this man, the desire to be intimate had disappeared. Why did I hide my struggles for so long? Why hadn’t I confessed the truth about myself and asked for prayer sooner? Part of the reason was I had somehow believed that being tempted itself is a sin. Yet I knew Jesus was tempted and without sin. Recently while speaking, I shared this story. I was surprised by how many women later told me how they, too, hid their struggles-some big and some small-from others. One, who wanted to lose 20 pounds, shared how she hid candy wrappers when she cheated. She carefully tucked the wrappers into her pocketbook and later disposed of them in a trash can at a public area. Another person regularly attended church each Sunday but never shared how furious she was with God for taking a loved one. “I hide the price tags of clothes I buy,” confessed another woman. “I don’t want my husband to know how much I paid for them.” Maybe you are not hiding in any of these ways but you’re concealing a different truth. You’re pretending your financial situation isn’t as dire as it really is. Or you’re hiding, even from your counselor, the abortion you had years ago. God wants us to live in freedom-not in hiding. But you will continue an unhealthy pattern of concealing your struggles unless you:
1. Get real with yourself
What are you telling yourself? Are you trying to maintain a wonderful image because if people really knew who you were they would not like you? Maybe like me you are ashamed that you are tempted by your unhealthy desires. As the Apostle Paul says, “. . . we do not have a high priest who is unable to empathize with our weaknesses, but we have one who has been tempted in every way, just as we are-yet he did not sin” (Hebrews 4:15).[i] Looking back on my temptation, I have to confess I also focused too much on my desires. I wasn’t intentionally switching the radio station that was blaring in my mind. As my pastor, Brian Rice, says, “Temptation becomes trouble when you linger on the tempting invitation.” Pushing my ungodly desires aside, I needed to dwell on what was right, true, pure and admirable (Philippians 4:8).
2. Get honest with God
Let’s face it, it’s useless like Adam and Eve to try to hide from God. Part of gaining our freedom is having the courage to get naked-emotionally and spiritually-before God. Yes, being authentic is painful. Yes, we like to avoid pain. Hiding, however, produces even bigger problems like creating distance from God. In James 1:14-15 we are warned not to be deceived. “. . . each person is tempted when they are dragged away by their own evil desire and enticed. Then, after desire has conceived, it gives birth to sin; and sin, when it is full-grown, gives birth to death.” You, too, must rely on God and safe friends who love and care for you. You need that support to empower you for whatever battle you are facing. Just remember you don’t want to share confidences recklessly-not everyone is safe.
3. Get into the Scriptures
Hide the word of God in your heart, rather than your secrets. “I have hidden your word in my heart, that I might not sin against you” (Psalm 119:11). Even when you are enticed by your desires and cave in, remember you can go boldly to the throne of grace. “If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness” (1 John 1:9). I wonder what would have happened if I had never shared the truth of my struggle and asked for prayers. I’m glad I took the risk. What about you? What are you hiding?
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Ready to Grow?
- Take 5 or 10 minutes without any distractions.
- Pray and ask God to show you want you are attempting to hide.
- Ask him what he is the next step for you.
- Reread or read Taking Out Your Emotional Trash: Face Your Feelings and Build Healthy Relationships
