This past February we experienced 50-degree days in Pennsylvania which is unusual for February. As all the snow melted, shoots from spring bulbs peeked their heads through the ground. But in some places dead leaves were impeding the new growth.
It’s easy to see how the shoots have to work harder to push past or through the decaying matter. But I don’t always notice what emotional debris I’ve failed to clear away in my heart and mind. What is stunting my ability to mature spiritually? For example, I realized I was holding a grudge about a careless remark a friend made to me. And then there was the unmet expectation that I had not let go of. Plus, I needed to apologize to someone for my snappish comments.
What are you still holding on to that will prevent you from growing freely? What grudges have you not released? What resentments are you holding tightly to? What guilt or shame do you need to address? What disappointments or sadness do you need to grieve?
If you are wondering whether you’re still holding on to something, here are a few indicators that it’s time to clear out the debris from your heart and mind:
– I think only of my problems and my small world. I feel little or no
empathy for what others are facing.
– I tend to withdraw and isolate myself from others because of deep hurts.
– I am easily hurt and offended. I am hypersensitive.
– I feel constantly dissatisfied and angry with the world.
– I look for constant approval and affirmation from others.
– I rarely feel a sense of peace and experience God’s love.
If you are stuck in your stuff and overwhelmed, don’t get discouraged. The good news is you just need to be honest with yourself and be intentional.
Be Honest
Being honest means to be real with yourself and with God. He knows the grudges and resentments or bitterness you’re holding on to. I love Henri Nouwen’s prayer in A Cry for Mercy:
“Look at me, see me in all my misery and inner confusion, and let me sense your presence in the midst of my turmoil. All I can do is show myself to you. Yet, I am afraid to do so. I am afraid that you will reject me. But I know—with the knowledge of faith—you desire to give me your love. The only thing you ask of me is not to hide from you, not to run away in despair, not to act if you were a relentless despot. Take my tired body, my confused mind, and my restless soul into your arms, and give me rest, simple quiet rest.”
Why not try using Henri’s prayer to bring your feelings of rejection, insecurity, frustration, bitterness, hurt, shame and guilt to God?
Be Intentional
Just as the leaves and pine needles in my flower beds accumulated after months of winter winds, you need to be intentional to take the steps you need to deal with your stuff. It takes courage to forgive others and face the little grudges as well as the deep hurts that come with deceit and feelings of betrayal. But give yourself time to clear out the unresolved feelings so you are truly free to grow and blossom anew.
Here are some questions for your personal time of reflection:
- What thoughts and feelings consume you and control your life? What is one thing you can do to remove them from your heart and mind?
- If you’ve not made the choice to forgive someone, why not?
– Are you waiting for an apology?
– Are you waiting for the other person to change?
– Do you feel like you’re punishing him or her?
– Are you still grieving?
– Do you think forgiveness is a sign of weakness?
- What is the next step God is calling you to take?
You will know you have removed the debris from your heart and mind when you can:
– look to your future with a renewed sense of hope.
– trust God with your life at a deeper level.
– identify ways you have been transformed for the better.
– have more sensitivity and compassion for others who are stuck in
their stuff.
