“Why am I discouraged? Why is my heart so sad? I will put my hope in God! I will praise him again—my Savior and my God!”
Psalm 42:5-6a NLT
When I was a little girl, the heart-shaped flowers of the bleeding heart plant fascinated me. On each arched stem hangs a string of perfectly formed, puffy, deep pink hearts with a translucent drop at the bottom. While some say the blossom resembles a heart with a drop of blood, to me it also looks like a heart with a tear. Either way I think the flower symbolizes what we suffer during times of loss—a broken, bleeding heart.
Because I love this plant I put one in my garden after I was diagnosed with cancer. Throughout the weeks my bleeding heart plant bloomed the first year, I often sat on top of the brick wall next to it and wept. “I want to feel light-hearted,” I wrote in my journal. “I want to have fun. I want to go to the movies, do simple chores like the laundry and all the things my friends can do but I can’t.” I couldn’t do any of these because I was extremely fragile and weak after my cancer treatments.
But God used the bleeding heart to help me express my pain. He seemed to whisper during that time, “I feel your broken heart. Let me wipe your tears.”
On one of those days while gazing at the bleeding hearts, I discovered something I had never noticed before. Only on the fully formed, mature flowers are the hearts broken. On the ones still developing, the heart is perfectly formed with only a droplet-like formation hanging from the bottom. As the heart develops and grows it opens and then breaks.
And that is exactly how my growth and maturity seem to develop—in stages during the time of the broken and bleeding heart.
Reflection for Gaining More:
How has suffering shaped you? Do you simply go through adversity, or do you allow God to comfort and sustain you and grow through it?
After my husband was killed by his bull, I struggled with the anxiety that our 4 yr old granddaughter had been at the scene as she always went with Poppy to feed the cows. She could easily have been killed also. God showed me a huge clear shield that surrounded the pasture with the air swirling above and a mighty hand holding it in place. He said that when He takes care of business, it is holy ground and nobody else will be hurt or be able to interfere. That put my fears to rest. Since then I see shields everwhere: jewelry, security signs, Dodge ram trucks. I bought a Buick because it has 3 shields on the front. There are reminders all around that God is in control.
Anita, that is a powerful image and what a gift that peace had to be around your anxiety for your granddaughter.