Is Grief Only From Death?
“I always thought grieving was only for the death of someone. I never realized that I would go through the process of grief with other losses as well.” Sophia was 23 years old and heard me speak about growing through the changes we don’t choose. She expressed her misconception and conveyed a question I hear often: Is grief only for death?
Can Grief Be Caused by Something Other Than Death?
Many people erroneously think grieving is only for significant losses like death, divorce, or broken engagements. But any fizzled relationship, shattered dream, or disappointment is the loss of something that was important to us. This loss feels like death and with death follows heartache and pain.
Even moving to another city is something we may grieve over. Although the move may be a desired one, it brings many losses. When Madison moved several states away she said, “I had no idea how devastating the experience would be. I’ve lost the ability to drop in and visit my parents, church family, and friends. My doctor, dentist, and hairstylist are lost. ” Madison enjoyed her new job and slowly cultivated new friendships, but she also recognized and grieved over the changes and loss that came with her relocation.
Hitting the age of 30 or 40 and realizing we don’t have children or the ideal family we wanted is something many singles grieve over. My friend, Abby, after her fiancé broke up with her, chose to purchase her dream home without having a significant person to share it with. “I grieved over the experience of buying a house by myself instead of buying it with my fiancé,” she said. “We’d found a home we were going to buy together, and I’d dreamed about how I was going to decorate each room for the two of us. We were going to honeymoon in that house. It was a huge loss!”
Is Grief Only for Death? No!
Our pain is our pain—even if it’s over something that’s not as life-shattering as someone else’s heartache. If we minimize it instead of face it, we’re more apt to discount the need to grieve, telling ourselves that our loss isn’t significant enough or our pain isn’t great enough. And many times those closest to us question why we feel so sad. “After all,” they tell us, “it could be worse.” This doesn’t help!
In Ecclesiastes 3:4 we are reminded that there is “a time to weep and a time to laugh, a time to mourn and a time to dance.” It doesn’t matter what issue has left us heartbroken, whether it’s a loss from a choice we made or a choice that was made for us. We need to recognize that for us the pain is real, and we must grieve so we can heal and move forward emotionally healthy.
Warmly,
Georgia Shaffer
P.S. Today’s content was adapted from 12 Smart Choices for Finding the Right Guy. If you’d like to read more, you can purchase your copy of the book.
Or if you prefer to work with a coach as you grieve o work to overcome difficult habits, you can find out more information at www.GeorgiaShaffer.com/coaching/
Scripture:
There is a time for everything,
and a season for every activity under the heavens:
a time to be born and a time to die, a time to plant and a time to uproot, a time to kill and a time to heal, a time to tear down and a time to build, a time to weep and a time to laugh,
Ecclesiastes 3:1-4 (NIV)
