“Though he slay me, yet will I hope in him.”
Job 13:15 NIV
Some say I should never ask, “Why, God?” But, when I’m being authentic with God and myself, this question frequently runs through my mind. Why did I have cancer? Why has it recurred? Why did you do this to me, God?
Not that I ever got an answer, but I did ask. I even had a few moments when I shook my fist at God and demanded a reply, Are you mad at me? Am I being punished? Still, no answer.
Job never got an answer either. He never understood why he was suffering. In reading about him, I know Job was being tested, but he never knew that and yet he trusted God.
It’s hard to trust when I don’t know the reason why. But God still asks me to. So I must answer the questions: Can I let go of my desire to reason things out? Am I willing to live without an answer and with the anxiety that uncertainty brings?
When I decided God is trustworthy in spite of how my life looks, my focus shifted from “Why, God?” to “I will trust you regardless.” With that change in focus came the courage to live where I was instead of where I wished to be.
There are still some days I wonder what God’s purpose is for allowing all the treatments, fatigue, and challenges that come with a life-threatening illness. On those days, I once again purpose to trust him, in spite of not knowing why he allowed such uncertainty in my life.
Reflection for Gaining More
Are you willing to trust God with the unexpected twists and turns of life—even when you don’t know the reason why?
It took me a long time to realize that, since God knows all my thoughts, He already knows when I’m questioning His actions in my life, whether I intentionally express it to Him or not. Trying to suppress the “Why, God?” is being dishonest rather than authentic.
Many years ago, during my first depressive episode, God ministered to my needy soul through the words of David, “Trust in him at all times, O people; pour out your hearts to him, for God is our refuge” (Psalm 62:8, NIV). Pour out my heart to him? Was I really allowed to do that? He drew me so much nearer to Himself as He reassured me, over and over again, that it was not only okay, but encouraged by many Bible passages.
Reading this verse again recently, I was struck by the idea that we’re supposed to both trust in Him and pour out our hearts to Him. One does not negate the other. Pouring out our hearts in anguish, despair, fear, anger—and honesty—as we wrestle with the sorrows of everyday life is not contradictory to trusting in Him at all times.
As you say, we’re allowed to ask Him why, but we also need to trust.
(Adapted from my blog at https://thosewhoweep.blogspot.com/2018/10/pour-out-your-hearts.html.)
Ann, well said and a great reminder about trust. That is the word God gave me to focus on this year, so I personally needed to read what you wrote. Thank you.