Many of us have a distorted view of the seasons of our lives. We often don’t recognize the different seasons we may face. Or we resist them, without adapting and adjusting.
Sometimes, we erroneously believe that our current season will last forever. For example, I often hear mothers express frustration with their young children, sighing and complaining that their exhaustion will never end. In contrast, I often hear the parents of young adults who have been successfully launched express the belief that their lives are over . . . forever.
As a result of distorted perceptions, we become increasingly dissatisfied with life, which may even lead to depression. In addition, our resistance to, or misunderstanding of, our current season can bring an unconscious feeling of restlessness that leads to friction in our closest relationships. Unrecognized, this relational blind spot of resisting and/or misunderstanding life’s seasons can create real havoc.
But it doesn’t have to be this way. We can reduce or eliminate much of the tension in our closest relationships if we are open and receptive, rather that resistant, to the current season of our life. If we can (1) understand life’s seasons and (2) recognize their benefits as well as their limitations, then we are more likely to (3) accept our current season.
Understand Life’s Seasons
We often think life has only four seasons: childhood, young adulthood, middle age, and old age. But that’s not the only way to think about seasons. Ecclesiastes 3:1-8 tells us: “For everything there is a season, a time for every activity under heaven,” whether that is a time to plant or a time to uproot, a time to search or a time to find. I invite you to study that passage (in the right column) for a full list of life’s seasons.
I didn’t always understand the variety of life’s seasons. When my only child, Kyle, was about three years old, as parents we recognized Kyle had severe developmental delays. It was “a time to search,” and search we did as we tried to find the professional help he needed. He had numerous neurological, educational and psychological evaluations. Nothing really helped, but I kept searching.
After a couple of years, a friend suggested that it was time to quit searching and time to accept. I fought that idea. Instead, I continued to exhaust myself. I was determined to fix the problem. I wasn’t just motivated; I was obsessed. And I drove those closest to me crazy. I was oblivious to all the tension and conflict I created around me.
I look back at that time with sadness. God gave me so many opportunities to trust and lean on him, but I refused. When I finally quit searching and got in step with God, he led us to a devoted teacher who provided the help Kyle needed.
In contrast to that experience there was a time I did lean on God. When I had a breast cancer recurrence and I was told I had a 2 percent chance to be alive in ten years, I spent far less time resisting this new season and more time living in it. Maybe it was easier to admit that I couldn’t handle things on my own because my resources were so limited and my challenges so huge.
Identify Your Current Season’s Benefits and Limitations
Having a basic knowledge of the various seasons is important. We also need to be aware of the current season we’re experiencing along with its benefits and limitations. Every gardener knows the futility of ignoring the seasons. If it’s winter, then it’s pointless for me to plant tomatoes outside even on the gentlest of days. While I may dream of having an earlier crop of tomatoes, one obvious limitation of Pennsylvania’s winters is the possibility of sudden, bitter cold nights. It’s usually well into April or May before I can safely plant my seedlings outdoors.
One of the blessings of winter, however, is it gives me a chance to rest and renew. It provides me opportunities to curl up in front of a fire and catch up on my reading.
Ask yourself: In what season am I now? What are the limitations and benefits of this current season?
Accept Your Current Season
Accepting the present season of your life can involve a time of struggle as you work through feelings of frustration, anger or sadness, especially if you’ve experienced an unwanted change. Gradually, though, you want to reach the point where you can let go of disappointments and resentments and embrace where you are.
As one coaching client who came to accept the season of being a mother of a disabled child said, “Now that I’m in sync with this season I’m more content with where God has me. I sleep better at night and I’m not as anxious.”
While some seasons are exciting, others are exhausting. Some are filled with wonder and some with disappointment. But one thing is predictable. Life’s seasons are ever-changing. And to grow more Christlike, we need to be open and receptive to allowing God to have his way.
(This article was adapted from Avoiding the 12 Relationship Mistakes Women Make.)
Thank you Georgia for sharing your experiences and how they affected your walk in faith. We all need hope and as I read through your losses and growth through it all, it helps me through my present challenge.
Thanks Mimi. May you be blessed abundantly.