It’s often easy to recognize other’s delusions, but it’s harder to see the ways we deceive ourselves. Let’s take a look at five of those ways now…
I know it’s been a while since many of us have had guests in our homes, but think back to your pre-Corona days… Did you ever clean your house before guests arrived and simply threw junk in the back of a closet or stuffed clutter into a drawer? Your house appeared clean and organized as long as your guests didn’t look in those areas.
We do the same thing with our motivations and behaviors. We tidy them up. We try to hide our imperfections and maintain a good image. The problem is, while we’re busy making excuses to make ourselves look better, the people closest to us are not deceived. They know the truth. (They’re still at home watching us!) We’re usually only deceiving ourselves.
Let’s walk through five ways we deceive ourselves, and as we go, be willing to recognize the many ways you conceal your flaws. Then, take some time this summer and make a concerted effort to live more authentically with those around you. (And if you discover you’d rather not walk this path alone, be sure to schedule a complimentary 30-minute call where we can start making a plan for self-discovery and self-improvement together!)
Which of these five ways we deceive ourselves sounds most like you?
1) Making excuses
More than once, when late for an appointment, I’ve tried to make myself look better by saying, “I hit every red light on my way here.” It’s embarrassing to admit how many different reasons I’ve given over the years for not arriving on time. My excuse sounded better than admitting I had left home too late.
2) Minimizing bad behaviors
This is one approach you might hear from a teenager. “Oh Mom! You’re sooo out of touch with reality. All my friends are doing it.”
One person in a leadership class I attended said, “My weaknesses aren’t so bad, otherwise I’d be motivated to address them.” The problem with that logic is that when the weakness does become glaring, this person will probably be facing a crisis or an extremely embarrassing situation.
3) Shifting the blame
Another way we see ourselves in a more favorable light is to shift the blame onto someone else. We might say or think something like this: “It wasn’t my fault I got so angry. He shouldn’t have said those mean things. What was I supposed to do? Sit there and take it?”
Even young children naturally do this when an adult breaks up a fight. Pointing to his or her playmate we often hear, “I didn’t do anything. He started it.”
4) Overcompensating
In an effort to hide our flaws, we exhaust ourselves trying to earn the approval of God or others by doing good deeds. Maybe we give generously of our time or money. But when our motivation is not out of love or a direction from God, no matter how kind, generous, or compassionate we look, pride is what is hiding underneath our shiny veneer.
5) Playing the victim
When we play the victim, we heap more abuse and insults on ourselves in an effort to cause others to feel pity for us. One tip-off that you are playing the victim is if you notice yourself speaking in unqualified, broad generalities. You might say something like this: “Well, it’s always my fault. I’m always the one that causes all the problems around here. I never do anything right.”
In some of his final thoughts to Timothy, the Apostle Paul writes, “Pay close attention to your life and your teaching…” (1 Timothy 4:16 ISV).
Are you willing to pay close attention to your life? Are you willing to take the time to notice whether you have a pattern of making excuses, minimizing your poor behaviors, shifting the blame, overcompensating for your mistakes, or playing the victim?
While there are many ways we are deceived, I find self-deception is one of the worst kind of deception because we are lying to ourselves rather than being authentic. However, choosing to face our self-deceptive behaviors is the first step to overcoming them.
Warmly,
Georgia
P.S. – Was this an eye-opening exercise for you? Sometimes it’s hard to face the facts about the ways we deceive ourselves, but you don’t have to walk this road to self-awareness alone. Reach out! You can schedule a complimentary, 30-minute discovery call with me for a time that works for you, and we can start working on a plan to live the fulfilling, joyful life you’re dreaming of. Click here to get started!
