I am a member of a private club. It’s made up of several friends and some relatives. We all understand how we can experience relief and grief when an elderly parent passes away after years of declining health. I became a member when my mother, Goldie, died on June 10, 2021, at the age of 96.
The members of our club don’t talk about it publicly. I am sure we would be judged. But I decided, on this one-year anniversary of Mom’s passing, I’m admitting my conflicted feelings.
One night, I received a call from someone on staff at the nursing home where Mom lived for 10 years. I answered in the normal way. Having recognized the familiar number, I wondered if they were calling to inform me Mom had fallen. Or were they updating me that the dosage of her medication had changed once again? Perhaps she was running a fever, or maybe the phone in her room was not working. But it was THE CALL. You know, the one where the sympathetic caller says something like, “I’m so sorry to share that Goldie died peacefully early this evening.”
The Surprising Reaction of Grief and Relief
You never really know how you will react, especially after years and years of trying to prepare yourself. My first reaction privately, Thank you God! Immediately, tears streamed down my face. Then I thought, Wait a minute! My mother was no longer suffering and confined to a bed, needing help for every basic need. I knew she was in heaven, so why the tears?
Maybe it was because I no longer had any living parents. Whatever my reason, my brother had the same reaction. Relief that Mom’s long journey of suffering ended along with grief that she was gone.
After being vulnerable with several people about the relief that came with her death, I realize there are lots of us in this private club. One friend said, “Georgia, you need to write about grief and relief.”
“I’m just not ready to do that yet,” was my only response.
Then early one quiet Sunday morning, I knew it was time to write about this topic for the one-year anniversary of her passing.
If you, too, have mixed feelings of relief as well as grief over a parent’s passing, accept those all-too-normal kinds of emotions. Your conflicted reaction may not be all that unusual.
Georgia Shaffer
Scripture
1 Corinthians 15:50-57
We will not all die, but we will all be transformed! It will happen in a moment, in the blink of an eye, when the last trumpet is blown. For when the trumpet sounds, those who have died will be raised to live forever. And we who are living will also be transformed.
