In the Old Testament story of Job, the words of Job’s friends not only failed to comfort him but added to his distress. He said, “The souls of the wounded cry out for help” (Job 24:12 NIV). Unfortunately, his friends were unable to provide any relief and even suggested his suffering was his fault.
At times I have found the words of well-meaning friends discouraging. I remember a call from a friend who attempted to encourage me when I was recovering from a bone marrow transplant. “Georgia, you can’t sit around doing nothing and feeling sorry for yourself. Do you think you are the only person who has ever suffered? You need to pull yourself out of the pit of despair. Get on your horse and ride again.”
While I don’t doubt he had the right intentions, his words not only communicated a lack of sensitivity, but I felt like he was saying I was totally responsible for my plight.
It was already hard not to doubt myself when everything in my life seemed wrong. I had already wondered what I did, what sins I had committed, to end up where I was. Isn’t that what Job’s friends suggested? His sins created his troubling circumstances?
Sometimes I have brought problems on myself, but other situations are not my fault. Either way I need people in my life to encourage and pray for me, not add to my depression and blame me for all that is wrong.
These kinds of wounds have taught me three things. When I’m hurt by someone, I remind myself to:
- Pray for this person. As we read in Job, “After Job had prayed for his friends, the Lord made him prosperous again and gave him twice as much as he had before,” (Job 42:10). I ask for God’s blessing to work in and through my friend’s life. Such prayers enables my soul to prosper.
- Acknowledge the hurt and seek God’s comfort. As Paul writes, our God is “the God compassion, who comforts us in all our troubles.”
- Recognize when one of my friends is struggling with doubt and discouragement and be sure that my deeds and words are encouraging. I do not want to be a miserable comforter. “Miserable comforters are you all! I also could speak like you, if you were in my place; I could make fine speeches against you and shake my head at you. But my mouth would encourage you; comfort from lips would bring you relief.” (Job 16:2-5)
